Here's The Thing
by Mr. Fishy
Summary: Here's the secert, there is no secert. Writing tips from a friend.


**INTORDUCTION: **

First and foremost: I'm not here to tell you that you are not a writer, because you are a writer. I'm not here to toot my own horn (because I'm not a published author. I just work part time at local library stocking books and pretending that one day I might write an actual novel that people might like. What a pipedream!)

I'm here mainly to make mine (along with others) reading experience more enjoyable and your writing experience more fun. I'm here to share a few things that I came up with and what other's have told me.

Now, through out this crazy rant I will discuss fanfiction writing along with regular run of the mill writing. We will cover the basics and then move into the ever fabulous writer's block: How to over come it! And so much more!

How this shenanigan came about was someone asking me how I write. The same person once asked me what the secret of writing was. (They, had a quick lapse in judgment and thought I was a decent writer… they will come around eventually.) After I finished laughing I replied oh so dryly: "Here is the secret… there is no secret."

That person now thinks of me as a rude and insensitive jerk… But he still reads my short stories. So there's part of it. The secret of writing isn't in your sparkling personality (just ask Ernest Hemingway's first wife.)

Writing is an art form buried deep, deep within yourself which brings us to my next point…

**YES, EVERYONE:**

Here is my theory (and I have quiet a few). My personal belief is that everyone and anyone can write. Crazy, right? Yes, well many of my so called friends thought so too. But I believe it is true. Even that lame brain dead kid in the back of your math class is a writer. The only down side is that maybe they haven't discovered it yet.

Now you on the other hand are different. You are already writing. You're on fanfiction aren't you? The one place where you may run wild with your imagination! Create a new found voice inside of yourself! The place where…. Sorry I get off on rants a lot.

You've already gone up three steps in my book on the primal and closed minded nature of people today. If you have attempted a story (posting it on this site or not if you've at least tired) then I'd like to shake your hand and say: "Welcome to Hell!" For me and a few random people I've met over the years, once you've hopped on the writing train you're in for life.

Writing never really and truly leaves you once you've tasted how sweet it can be. (And believe me there are some pretty sweet times.) After that you are hooked. It is a drug, dangerous at times (like lack of sleep. And times of great sorrow when you decide to kill off a beloved character for the sake of your story)

There are times of tears and moments of smiles. It's like the vicious circle. Again and again. But you learn to give in and accept it. But back to my original point which I've almost forgotten.

If you are feeling down about your writing and don't believe me just think: With each coming year there comes wisdom. Okay, so maybe you don't have to think that but just give it a chance.

If you would like, personally I don't mind, go look back on a few of my older stories. They suck! Plain and simple to see. I started out in 2005 on this site and since then I've learned a thing or two. You don't have to be great at first. There is no need to become the next Truman Capote overnight. Take your time, grow into your writing.

It's perfectly fine to take things slowly; actually I'd say go that way. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. That just leads to tension headaches and long, long afternoons at school spent being miserable. Remember: Writing is fun!

Alright let's bring this back in. Now, to uncover your writing talents you must (go one guess…) keep writing? Yes! Great job you go it! You must always keep writing, no matter what. You must write everyday. I get that some people are busy but if you love writing you'll make time.

Now me I'm a morning person. I like taking day break jogs and then writing until the rest of the people in my house get up. So that's when I do most of my writing. Pick you're favorite time of day and bam! That's the first step. Second is getting the perfect place to settle in and begin working on that masterpiece of yours.

By now you must think I'm completely loony (and I' am, never forget.) But really, writing does help. But the most important thing of all is (drum roll please)…

**READ! READ! READ:**

I once had a very strange encounter with a fellow classmate a few years back. We were in English class (ironic? You decide). We were talking about the short story assignment. And then randomly he told me, laughing I might add, that he hated to read but loved to write.

I took this as an opportunity to smack him with my small blue agenda. Okay! Let me make this very easy on you guys. If you hate reading then you are not allowed to be a writer. Reading is what makes exceptional writers. Reading is key.

To become great you must love the written word. Reading helps you out in numerous ways. You, as a struggling young writer, can use books as a guide. I can still remember the first time I ever read J.D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye.

I was in seventh grade. I remember being totally and completely astonished. My first thought was: You can really write like that? Now, if you haven't read this particular book then I'll key you in. The protagonist swears constantly and speaks so bluntly that it made me cheer. Now, of course, there is so much more to the book then the swearing but moving on.

It was like a revelation for me. Up to that point I had only been introduced to Shakespeare and Dickinson and many other old English writers. I was bored out of my mind! I was ready to throw reading away! And then I found the small red covered novel and fell in love.

Reading can open thousands and millions of doors for you in writing (or just the pleasure of reading) it can show you that not every line in a novel has to sound like this:

"_That time of year thou mayst in me behold __  
__When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang __  
__Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, __  
__Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang"_

(Shakespeare's sonnet # 73)

Although that does sound very pretty (one of my favorites actually) try broadening your horizons. Try this out for size: "_All morons hate it when you call them a moron"_ (Catcher in the Rye Chapter 6) I know that was a bad quote but when you read the whole novel and get to that point it will make you giggle. (At the end of this I'll write out some books you guys can check out.)

**FANFICTION : **

Here is where I'm going to clue you in on the things to stay away from. And other things that just down right make me sigh and roll my eyes. Okay, first thing's first your title. For the love of God never ever, _ever_ keep it untitled. That's just sad. The title the first thing people see.

A title is used to sum everything up. Your title is of prime importance. Now, another thing, try and keep it unique. Stay away from very cliché song titles. I get that you like the song, that's great! But you don't have to name your story after it. You can try using a lyric from the song, that's cool.

Take time and think it through. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with. One last thing about your title, don't make it so bloody long! I mean you're killing me smalls! (Watch _The Sandlot_ and you'll get that catch phrase.)

Now, some of you may be a peeved at this moment. You might be thinking: "Hey! My title rocks! Why am I letting this library loser tell me what to do?!" And I congratulate you on this notion. You don't have to listen to me. You can do whatever you want. If you think your title is cool then don't let me or anyone else tell you different.

All I' am doing is letting you know. I want you to know that I'm not trying to sound stuffy and mean about this. Remember, Mr. Fishy is a helping hand, or a friend, which ever you like best. (Personally, I'd go with comrade.)

Now, the synopsis of your story. This is often where I just start beating my head against the keyboard. I want you to know I use to suck eggs at writing a summary (just ask _CraftyNotePad_.) I didn't have a clue. But then I started thinking of a story synopsis like a movie tagline and I got (hopefully you think so) better at it.

Most stories around here tell me EVERYTHING that's going to happen in their story in that tiny space. Here's my advice: Don't do that. Don't tell me too much. Leave me guessing! It's so much more fun that way! Be mysterious!

Because to be painfully honest I usually don't read your story if your throwing too much at me. I usually just guess how it will end and move on. Another thing, try using your kick ass grammar skills. I know you must have them. If not, how do you survive English? Sometimes when I see stories that use numbers instead of letters or abbreviate things I just pass by. Sorry kiddies, but it's true.

Now, I know some of you are rather young (I mean I'm still in high school, so I'm fairly young myself, but still a little old for Hannah Montana.) but still! You guys should know about those grammatically incorrect tenses. But then again who am I?

Now, (deep sigh) onto your actual story. Once again my theme of taking things slow returns! ( Dramatic non Batman but kind of like Batman music… ignore this, moving on.) I'm currently working on two separate stories. I just finished _Hourglass_ (and for those of you who care. I started jotting down notes for an epilog on that story. So, it's not official but it could happen.)

And I'm planning on taking my time before submitting them. (One at a time of course, I'm not that good. I can't do two stories at once.) And I suggest you do the same. I understand the excitement of wanting to rush everything and get your story out there. I know all about the giddy happy dance feeling of getting good reviews. But to get amazing input you should chill out and work on your story.

Now I hate editing. I despise revising. It's not fun and it's boring and sometimes I just don't do it. But, (here comes bad news) it shows. I went through some off my older stories today and found a TON of mistakes. I cringe and smack myself whenever I think about it. I still get embarrassed when you guys point them out to me.

So, learn from my horribly humiliating mishaps. Look over your story or suffer the consequences of confused readers that sometimes look back on your work and laugh. (shudders.)

Okay, I can recall certain occasions when readers ask how I do it. Well, first things first: You're really just crazy and think I can write! Don't worry the novelty will wear off. (Yes, if you haven't noticed I'm not very confident.)

I like description in my books. So I always put that in my stories. I also like knowing useless information. Tell me what color the character's mug is. Tell me about that bookcase in corner gathering dust and how the character always thinks they'll clean it sooner or later.

I like that! I don't know about other people but I enjoy feeling connected with characters through their flaws. Never make a "goody-goody" character. Sure, they can be nice, kind and understanding… but make them have a mental break down. Or make them have a deep dark secret.

It's perfectly fine to go nuts. After all it's your story. I'm a firm believer in Mr. Vonnegut's theory: Make horrible things happen to your characters. (I love Billy Pilgrim) Just take what I did to poor Lily in _Hourglass_. But give us, as readers, hope.

"_Hope- __the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best."_ (Online Dictionary, aka my best bud. Oh! Thanks _Simply Sarah_ if you were wondering that one was for you.)

Even if you are planning on killing a character in your story give your readers hope that maybe the person will survive. Because, in the end hope always triumphants, even if for only a split second. You want to make your story believable. In real life there are times where your spirit is lifted high above the clouds, soaring. There are other times of great sorrows and defeat. Let reader's experiences this!

Another one of my pet peeves: I dislike it when writers on fanfiction put up pictures of what outfits in their stories look like or buildings or anything. I mean, it's a story! Describe it to me. No showing, just telling. Give me all five senses people! You can do it, I promise. If you have to just break out that pocket thesaurus. Don't tell your readers what to feel. Show them the situation, and that feeling with awaken within them.

Take baby steps in describing things. To me, it's the hardest thing to do. I remember reading Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier a while ago and being totally blown away by the care and devotion spent describing every little thing. I was left drooling.

Now, what I would suggest doing to get going on describing, is writing about where you are. I would talk about the room you are sitting in. I usually do this during class at school. Late in the afternoon when I'm lounging in the back row of my English class (after "learning time" is finished.) I'll quickly take out my papers and favorite black pen and just babble.

I drone on and on about my teachers or students. I talk about the lightening or the sounds I hear. But this is your thing so take any approach you are most comfortable with. But just do it. Some days I'm more poetic then others. Other days I'm completely brain dead. But the message is to muddle through. Just write. Just write. Just write. After a while you'll find yourself getting better. Remember: Baby steps friend.

Another fun describing exercise is people. Which, is equally as hard as places, but the best thing to do is go somewhere with other human begins and just watch them for a while and then dive in. Talk about that kid sitting in the back of the cafeteria drinking milk out of a carton and working on last night's history homework.

Make the people up or (what's better) is taking things from real life. Most of my original characters in my stories are people I know in real life. True, sometimes I change their names but personalities and conversations are mostly real. Taking things from real life works!

A good exercise is starting off with "I remember…" It works wonders. Let your memories wash over you. The good, the bad and the ugly, not everything in your life has been pretty. If so… well… I hate you. (Kidding comrade.) Just try it, it never hurts to experiment. This technique actually is how my short story _In The Dark_ came about. True, I twisted things around but my reviewers didn't seem to mind.

Another nice little thing to see as a reader is the scenery. If your character is walking along a sidewalk then give that street a name. Breathe life into the area, let your own town become apart of the story. Talk about the buildings. Or, maybe you live out in the country. Then wave your magic pencil and create a rolling meadow on a hot summer's day at sunset.

Let the readers feel like they are inside of this world. Writing is an escape, let the reader's tag along. Because they don't know what you see, hear, taste inside the story. Lastly, love your characters. They are, after all, going to be your pals until the story ends. (But if your lucky they last forever.)

**NAMES :**

One of my siblings decided a couple of days ago that she was going to write a story. I patted her on the back and wished her luck. Later that day she asked me for names to use in her story. I began listing different things and giving her meanings. About thirty minutes of intense contemplating she exclaimed angrily that she was just going to name her character Bob.

Names for your precious characters are very important. Normally, people can tell a so much about your character after knowing their name. The fictional person doesn't even have to speak first.

Your name tells oceans and oceans of information. If you blow it off with a Bob (which is a lovely name but you wouldn't want to name all of your characters that) then you must not care. So please, when writing, care. Now, fortunately for you this is fanfiction and names are already given.

But if you ever decide to branch out and write about your own creation remember this.

**WRITER'S BLOCK: **

DUN DUUUN DUUUUN!!! (Run for your lives!)

Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you? … That's what I thought. If you have not yet experienced this agony then you will. If you continue writing, this will happen. Maybe not as much as me but it will once or twice.

When this hits me, I always have the sudden urge to throw myself out my window. It drives me bonkers! I could be pouring my soul out one minute and the next I'm drawing a blank. Years back when I had my first writer's block I thought I could just "write it out."

I thought that if I sat at my desk long enough and forced my pen across my paper everything would be okay. Wrong! So wrong! By the end of that afternoon I had thrown my books across my room and yelled at the top of my lungs and almost pulled out all of my hair. It wasn't pretty. I don't want this to happen to you, because I believe in you and think you're pretty spiffy, so here's some advice:

Get out of your house. If your parents or roommate asks you to tag along on a shopping trip or whatever, go with them. Get away from that computer screen. Just staring at the blank Microsoft document page and watching that black line blink in and out isn't going to help. (I know, I've tried.)

I like going to my local grocery store. There's so much going on, different people having different conversations. And I like watching people choose food. Seeing what they like or dislike. The produce section is my favorite. Call me crazy but it works. Pick a place and go, don't think about it. Get away from your writing.

If you can't get out then try calling a friend. Do anything you can to stop thinking about your writing. Normally, after a long day something will come to you. I have trouble forgetting about my writing. I spend too much time mourning over my lack of ideas. But don't let it get you down. Remember, this happens to everyone.

Lastly, if you can't get out of your house and there is no one to call then (as embarrassing as this is for me to admit) dance. I pop in my favorite albums and bust a crazy ass move. Aretha Franklin has done wonders for me. Get your heart rate up and mind dizzy with whatever music you like.

I've tired it a million times. (Hey, where do you think _Red Orange Lockers _and _Barefoot Apple Brunch _came from?) If you're not into dancing then sing, hum, hell I do not care. Just do something a little strange and out of your normal routine. Wear blue lipstick and a musher's hat. Do anything that is quirky and completely insane to the normal, average human begin.

Because you are not normal, you, my fine friend, are a writer. Remember that above everything else. Any time I find myself dancing in the elevator to (yes elevator music) and someone asks me what I'm doing I tell them: "It's for poetic reasons."

**ETERNEL (TIMELESS) :**

I daydream. There, my biggest flaw is finally out there. I can recall several times when I'm talking on the phone with a good friend and I drift off. I zone out when staring at my red painted toenails or the window. It doesn't matter, my mind just wanders off. In school this is not a good thing, I've been scowled many times for this. (In math, science, French, art, English, nothing is safe with me around.)

But, with writing it can be an advantage. Day dreaming leads to good storylines. Okay, maybe not that day dream about purple hippos and ponds but the other kinds. Explore different ideas. Being a writer means trying many different things until you find that one special quirk that sets you apart from all the other writers.

You write what you know. (Thanks Golly!) But never think it's not okay to look up information on different cultures if you decide to write about Italy. Learning is fun, if you give it the chance. I love sitting and answering questions for my fellow classmates. I like finding useless information and somehow working it into my story.

Learning is endless! There is so much _more_ with every coming turn. There's always more books to read and new information to sink into your sponge head. So use your limitless imagination and make your stories your own. Because no one wants to read novels that are exactly alike. (…duh.)

It will take many tries to finally figure out your "thing" your unique quality. I'm still trying to figure it out. But the first step it deciding what you like. Fiction? Non-fiction? Action? Romance? There's so much! It makes my head spin. You should get out and read different things and write in different ways.

Try taking a spin on Hemingway's fairly basic and simplistic style of writing. He gets to the point in his books. (But beneath all of those short sentences are metaphor's just waiting to be uncovered.) Or, maybe you are into dry comedy. Maybe reader's love your stories for the quick laugh.

To figure out anything with writing (it's coming back again) you need to read. I can't stress this enough. Because soon, one day, you'll sit down and write something that someone might refer to as timeless…

**TOPICS :**

Alrighty then, I've compiled a short list of exercises you can use to get words flowing and your writing hand warmed up. You can pick one or three or all of them and try it out. These are to help you get going. To get yourself in the dreamy and ever poetic (but sometimes silly) writer mind. That mind I know you've always had (alright I'm done now you can look.):

What are you're deepest dreams? Be brave and write the truth.

What do you eat when you are not in love?

Describe a grandparent?

What makes you hot? (This can mean angry or… well…)

What kind of animal are you? Do you really think you are an elephant, cat, or hamster underneath it all?

Teacher's you've had.

Give me your morning routine.

Favorite place?

The stars.

Take something you feel strongly about, positive or negative, and write as though you love it. Go as far as you can and then switch and write about the same thing as though you hate it. Then write about it perfectly neutral.

Favorite clothing item? Tell why you wear it. What weather do you usual have it in?

What types of colors are you more drawn to? Cool colors? Warm colors? Why? Do these colors reflect something about your personality?

**NOW WHAT:**

Have you learned anything yet? Are you mad at me for writing down my pet peeves? Well, I hope not. I have barely scratched the surface of writing. But, I fear, the rest is up to you. This was a very short seminar. But, I felt obligated to write it.

Now, if anyone of you have tips then please write them down and share! Tell me in a review or (what's better) write your own story for tips. So then I can read it and bow down to you and shout: "Oh great writer! What have I done to deserve such greatness?!" (I really will do that if any of you write one.)

Are you still lost? Are you scratching your head thinking what the hell am I talking about?

Well, here's the thing: Writing can't be taught. You can read all the "How To" books you want but in the end, it's just you and the pen. (Oh yeah, I just contradicted myself.)

…..

Here are a few books you can check out. The reason on how I've had the time to read (because believe it or not people have asked me this) is because when I finish putting books away at the library I hide in the fiction section and read. (But don't tell my boss Cindy, she'll have my head… oh yeah _Hourglass _buddies meet Cindy Brown.)

One more thing, a few of these books are a little too, well, let's say R rated for some of the younger kiddies out here. Now, if you find yourself a mature and well rounded young person then by all means read these. But I thought I'd worn everyone.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

Beloved by Toni Morrison

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fizgerald

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett (this is a play.)

Women in Love by D.H Lawrence

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (my best friend. May he rest in peace- April 11, 2007. I miss you.)

Catch- 22 by Joseph Heller

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (my heroine)

A Separate Peace John Knowles

Animal Farm George Orwell

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Howl by Allen Ginsberg (this is a book of poetry.)

Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

…..

I have many more book suggestions so if anyone needs anything to read please just ask. I would be more then happy to find a book for you.

**Happy Writing Comrades. **


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